I would suggest leaving the text up longer so that folks have time to read. I consider myself a little faster than most when it comes to reading, and I had trouble getting through the information before you changed scenes. Other than that, I hope you get a decent grade on your assignment. =)
Another Review =P
Last time you submitted this, I gave a review, and you wanted to know what you were doing wrong with the Flash even though so many people thought the art was good. Maybe this time I'll be a little more helpful in the 'advice' department. =P
Okay, firstly, your art and the story is what ought to get your point across. Use symbolism (perhaps the bird was caged at some point, and now values his freedom, for example), sound (music that fits the mood you're trying to convey ALWAYS makes a mediocre movie a better one) and storyline (tell a story of freedom, explain to the audience WHY it is fragile using images and sounds with your awesome art skills).
Using text to convey your ideas often times makes the video seem rushed or as though you didn't feel up to putting in the effort. Now, this isn't to say that text shouldn't be in the movie at all -- rather that it ought to be used sparingly.
You could draw out the words yourself, keeping to your own style, and add that much more quality to the 'toon than there was before. When I said that you had lots of potential, I meant that your idea is a good one (if it isn't an original, you're at least trying to tell it in an original fashion) and your art skills are good. Now all you need is to figure out how to combine all of the appropriate elements to take a 'toon from "good" to "great!" =)
And before anyone else here tries to give me that, "And what have YOU submitted!?" line, just know that as a Graphic Designer I do have some know-how when it comes to approaching target audiences and making a piece of art say what you want it to without the use of text. So there. Haha
I hope that was a little more clear than last time, and if you have any questions about what I've suggested or would like a little more detail, go right ahead and send me a PM. =)
thank you very very much!
BUT WHAT HAVE YOOOOUU SUBMITTED? no just kidding
very helpful advice.. I can't even remember everything at the same time
hehe once again thanks :)
Another Sprite Movie -.-;
It does have a few good points, but most of all I would have liked to see those lyrics in their own caption section at a stable location on the screen, complete with a darkened bar so that we can read them regardless of the background. That'll give it a little more professional appearance.
I do agree that the poem needs a little work. Some of the words you used were there simply because they rhymed. You might head somewhere like fanstoryDOTcom and submit the poem for critique, perhaps enter it into a workshop and let some professionals help you take it from an 'okay' poem to an 'awesome' one.
Otherwise the animation was good, loop or no loop. I'd like to see more work from you. A 6 for good artwork, but the improvement of the poem and perhaps the addition of a voice-over (a creepy one, of course. Vincent Price-esque =P) would take it up to 8+. Good job.
Cute, but I think the graphics need a little work. You could also put the speech into bubbles or as sub-titles to give this a little more professional appearance. The "Apples and a slingshot" thing made me chuckle.
I'd like to see what you could come up with after about a week's worth of work. =)
I'm not sure why so many people were confused by this animation, or why there were complaints about the use of color. You did a wonderful job, and the slight touches of colors were well-placed. I especially liked the window-turned-pill bottle bit.
My only issue was the fact that the animation was a little short for my tastes. The ending 'credits' might have done better as their own bit, I'm not entirely sure, but I would have liked to see a little bit more of the 'show' with the song. Anyway, good job.
Your title says this 'toon's about how NOT to die, and then after the inital scene ("Don't put a fork in an electrical socket"), you went from telling people how to go about NOT getting killed, to telling them things to do to GET killed.
Perhaps a change of title is in order?
the title is how not to not die. this is a double negative, so what the title means is how to die. think before you review kthx.
I really have to applaud your lyrics! Rhyming is hard enough, but then synchronizing the words to the music? AND using tunes from the soundtrack? Brilliant! ^.^
Now, just improve the animation and graphics a bit and you'd get a killer rating!
1) Sticks are overdone. Yes, they're easy to draw, but people on NG get so tired of seeing them, that you're not likely to get a good score unless you do something amazing. Try creating your own simplistic form of animation and see what results you get.
2) A helpful tip: When you want to draw realistic buildings and/or people, it's very helpful to find an image to use as a reference. Then, you try to draw the image you are looking at and adjust it until it suits your needs. This will GREATLY improve your skill. If you can't find a good picture, you can always use a mirror and practice drawing yourself a few times, so that you get the hang of creating human faces. Trust me, this technique helps - it's what they teach in professional art courses!
Keep on keepin' on -- you'll get the hang of it!
thanks for the review, ill keep that in mind. I suppose my drawing skill wll get better as i get older.
This has a lot of potential!
How much time did you spend drawing? An hour, two hours? A day?
Well, hey -- I bet if you doubled that time and worked on improving this, you'd get a flash that's twice as good! Your little fox/wolf characters are pretty cute. You could really go somewhere with this..!
Keep on keepin' on! =)
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